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Where Many Families Journey: Denial River

May
28
2014

Posted by: cburden in , , , ,

Holding Hands with Elderly Patient

The definition of the psychological term “denial,” as stated by Merriam-Webster, is “a condition in which someone will not admit that something sad, painful, etc., is true or real; a psychological defense mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided by denying the existence of the problem or reality.”

You know who you are, and I am going to do my best to shed light on the topic of denial before it’s too late. Snap out of it!

What do I always preach: “Don’t wait for a crisis to happen before you take action.”

The longer you wait, the less choices you have to consider as options and golden opportunities. In some cases, when a family first receives a diagnosis of a chronic disease, denial is common place for a short term. Most families need time to wrap their head around the hand they were just dealt. They need time to process their thoughts and emotions. Understandably so, but then what, and better yet, when should you take steps in dealing with the concerning issues at hand?

It is a process, a process of sorting out your many thoughts, emotions, questions, concerns and fears. I am not saying this is an easy task to approach, on the contrary. It will take a small village to manage the changes that will be occurring in the near and distant future. This is just part of the reason why so many families journey down Denial River. They really don’t want to deal with it. It’s not pleasant, it takes tremendous time and energy and in some cases confrontations you would rather avoid with family members. Denial will just prolong the inevitable; it allows enough time for you and your family members to get caught up in the ever-changing turbulent currents of eldercare management.

So let me ask you these questions: Are you afraid of what lies ahead? Are you fearful that you will not be able to manage the care of a spouse or loved one? Would you just rather not deal with it? What is at the root of your denial?

Managing care is a job, a big job, and not many of us are trained or educated about eldercare management until it is thrust at us at the speed of light. Then we need to figure it out real fast and hope we get it right. Am I right? Yes I am. I know for a fact because my brothers and I experienced it first hand with my father, as do most of my client families.

Why aren’t there classes or workshops to prepare us for this job that is handed to us without being asked if we want it or not? Well, there are, but we’re so busy with life and getting lost in the current going down Denial River. Who has time to explore all the possibilities? Would you know the right ones when faced with hundreds of options?

If you’re stuck, I get it! But please reach for a life preserver and seek professional help. There are many wonderful resources for families today.

This is exactly where I help families. I consult, guide, navigate and hold your hand through what you may see as daunting and unchartered territories of geriatric care options. Pointing you in the right direction and introducing you to proper resources depending on your specific needs. The sooner you reach for the life preserver, the calmer the waters become.

Instead of tubing down Denial River, opt for the smooth and steady cruise ship with the unlimited options; this doesn’t have to be daunting. You don’t have to do it all by yourself. Allow yourself time to breathe and regain your life back. Don’t let denial ruin your opportunities. The longer you ignore the situation you are faced with, the more challenging and heartbreaking it will be when you are inevitably forced into making decisions and provisions that are dictated to you.

Denial—the river of fears and tears.

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Motor Cycles—Mother’s Cycles

May
10
2014

Posted by: cburden in

Happy Mother’s Day to all who are blessed enough to own the title “Mother.”

When we became mothers, we anticipated the journey of motherhood. First, we anticipated the journey of pregnancy—how our bodies would change. Not only how our bodies would have to adjust and make room for this new life, but also how our thoughts and actions would have to continually readjust to all the new changes.

As there are dozens and dozens of books telling us what to expect while you’re expecting, it just doesn’t prepare you emotionally for the actual process of child birth. It’s hard to put your finger on the pain-joy experience. Nothing in this world fills your heart up more than finally holding your child in your arms and saying your first face-to-face hellos.

It’s an unexplainable event and just the beginning of a complex journey across vast and unknown territories. It is fast and furious, and something you must be sure to strap your helmet on for—like riding a motorcycle across the 101 California coastline or it may be more like braking and controlling the tight switchback roads of Arizona’s, New Mexico’s and Colorado’s Route 666. Phew, breathe.

They say time flies and we should embrace every second of our children’s early years because before you know it, they have flown the coop. They are right; time does fly. We can very easily get caught up in certain precious moments as they mature and grow, and sometimes others are moments we pray pass quickly so we can get to the next phase.

There are many twists and turns we must navigate and teach ourselves new paths throughout the years of motherhood. For instance, giving attention to a child who is well deserving of it and when to ignore the attention they seek through their manipulation or poor behavior techniques. How long does it take us until we understand just that one little lesson? The funny thing is that one lesson will be used throughout our lives and into the golden years of our parents and one day for us as well, but by then it will carry on a whole different meaning.

Breathe.

My children are now 15 and 17 years old and I know I have a ways to go, but I can say it has been a journey—one I would not have wanted to miss. I can now clearly see and relate to the challenges, pains, worry and laugh-so-hard-you-cried moments my mother experienced with me and my brothers. We were blessed many times over. How many times did she have to change the course she had planned just to accommodate our needs versus hers?

So, now I find myself going through many of the same cycles my mother had, and probably her mother as well. After all, many of us do our best to carry on certain traditions and, in order to do that, history must repeat itself.

There are many life-changing events and circumstances we go through as we age—some for the better, some make things more challenging. Roles have a way of reversing themselves and before we know it, our mothers become the ones needing their children’s attention and we become their caregiver, trying to figure out what critical needs must be met and how to handle those needs. Our mothers handled our needs when we were unable to meet our own needs early on. It is no different, just reversed.

In most cases, the brain and body slowly reverse and return to that of a child. It is human nature, a natural part of age and decline. Try your best not to become frustrated by that, instead, reach out to your elderly parents, embrace them longer, hold their hands, push them in their wheelchair, sing with them, dance with them, read to them or listen to their stories for the 100th time like it was the first time you ever heard it. Don’t we all like the feeling of being safe, cared for and looked after? You may need a helmet for this part of the journey as well, but at the end of the day, you will feel peace in your heart and mind and find yourself with a smile on your face.

Have a very Happy Mother’s Day every day— Peace!

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Spring Break Into Action!

Mar
13
2014

Posted by: cburden in , , ,

As this new season of spring unfolds, for many of us it is time to rethink and reshape what have become complacent lifestyles and standards for ourselves and for our aging loved ones. Have you ever heard the little voice in the back of your head saying, “You better do something; this cannot continue on like this; it’s not going to get easier”?

So, when exactly do you come to the realization that changes need to take place? When does that process begin? How do you get it moving and who will help you face this daunting task?

It does not need to be daunting. Change is a good thing. Change opens the doors to new possibilities; it frees the soul of otherwise paralyzing situations. Let’s talk for a minute about how caring for a sick or aging loved one affects our day-to-day momentum.

Do we plan our loved one’s schedule or does their schedule dictate our every move, thought and feeling of happiness? Do we have a life anymore? One that’s easygoing? One where we are free to feel excited about an upcoming event with friends or family members? Or are those feelings clouded over with anxiety, worry and guilt because we feel obligated to care for and be there for our loved ones? I would say, in my experience working with many families from all different backgrounds, most of us want to care for our sick or aging loved ones.

Not always, but in most cases, we feel it is our duty now to look after them and it also gives us the sense of feeling needed and appreciated by the ones we love. For others who do not feel appreciated or for those who are given constant guilt trips throughout the day, you are the caregivers who need to come to terms with this. No matter what we do or how hard we try, it will never be enough. We not only will be unable to make them happy or feel content, but we will become exhausted, unhappy and maybe even a bit resentful after a period of time.

Before things get to this point, we need to stop and ponder what lies ahead for them and us. This is the time when we need to look at a multitude of things: their overall health and diagnosis; where they reside and if there are appropriate alternatives; the status of their estate, finances, power of attorney, proxy, living will and directives; in-home assistance; and last, but not least, we need to ask ourselves: “How long can we carry these responsibilities without sacrificing our own lifestyle and happiness?”

If you feel alone in all of this and have other family members you can reach out to, then speak up and tell them you want and need their help and support. Distribute the tasks which need addressing, and get things in order to facilitate clear decision-making as a group or family.

Of course, you can always consult with professional services who will guide you through these very important steps.

So many times our own feelings of overwhelming pressure, worry, guilt or procrastination can be a major roadblock for the changes that must occur. We need to think outside the box. If you are one of those people who know you need a nudge to make choices and changes, then by all means seek professional guidance.

Here is something else to keep an open mind about. By taking action and making changes, you are giving yourself permission to hand over some of the responsibility, yet still have control over the matters at hand. You are not saying goodbye to your loved one, but opening yourself up to the idea of a new beginning, one of peace of mind, enjoyable gatherings and shared joy.

There are many wonderful elder care options and alternatives. You might be amazed at what our local communities have to offer. Once you see for yourself the different care options and lifestyles, you will feel more comfortable making the necessary changes.

Please remember, if you are aware that you will need to make changes in the near future, whether that is three, six or 12 months from now, most likely the time to do so is right now.

Procrastination and waiting for the “right” time will only place you in a critical situation and not relieve you of any worries. Oftentimes, families wait too long, and the subtle changes they were waiting for have now escalated to extreme, in-your-face changes. You are now faced with a crisis.

Once a crisis occurs, all bets are off and it’s time to start over with minimal choices and options, if any at all. So once again, hear me when I say, “Do not wait for a crisis—–spring into action!”

What is Long-term Care, What are the Costs, and Who Needs It?

Jan
13
2014

Posted by: cburden in , ,

So many people are in the dark or just plain confused when it comes to the subject of long-term care and long-term care insurance. Like many complex issues, this too can be a very confusing subject to explain. So, I went to the experts and want to share my findings. First off, long-term care is a range of services and supports you may need to meet your personal care needs. Most long-term care is not medical care, but rather assistance with the basic personal tasks of everyday life, sometimes called Activities of Daily Living (ADLs), such as bathing, dressing and eating.

Other common long-term care services and supports are assistance with everyday tasks, sometimes called Instrumental Activities of Daily Living (IADLs) include things like housework, handling finances and shopping.

According to Wikipedia, long-term care can be formal or informal. For example, facilities that offer formal LTC services typically provide living accommodations for people who require on-site delivery of around-the-clock supervised care. These facilities may go under various names, such as nursing home, personal care facility and enriched living.

Long-term care provided formally in the home, also known as home health care, and can incorporate a wide range of clinical services such as nursing, drug therapy and physical therapy. These particular services are usually ordered or prescribed by a physician. Some of the costs of these services may also be covered by health insurance or long-term care insurance.

In contrast, informal long-term home care is care and support provided by family members, friends and other unpaid volunteers. It is estimated that 90 percent of all home care is provided by a loved one without compensation.

The U.S. Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services estimates that about 12 million American men and women over the age of 65 will need long-term care by 2020 and that most will be cared for at home.

A study by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services says that four out of every 10 people who reach age 65 will enter a nursing home at some point in their lives and about 10 percent will stay there five years or more.

If you can afford long-term care insurance, you should probably consider it. Why? Because the cost of long-term care, should you need it, can quickly deplete your life’s savings. For instance, having a home health aide visit just three days a week can cost more than $20,000 annually. Full-time nursing home care, the most expensive type of care, now averages $69,000 to $78,000 per year.

While financial considerations cannot be understated, long-term care insurance isn’t only about money. It’s also about peace of mind. Having it ensures you’ll have access to first-rate care when you need it. It also means you won’t have to be dependent on others or be a burden to your children.There’s about a 70 percent chance you’ll need some type of long-term care after age 65. And long-term care services are not just for older people—40 percent of patients receiving long-term care are under age 65.

Long-term care costs:

A recent analysis indicates that Americans spent $119 billion on long-term care services for the elderly in 2009. Nursing home spending accounts for the majority of long-term care expenditures, but home and community based care expenditures have increased over the past 25 years.

Now is the time to purchase private long-term care insurance. Starting in the first quarter 2014, long-term care insurance will be priced according to gender, meaning women will pay on average, 30 to 50 percent more than men.

Tips on saving:

  • Consider purchasing for your adult children.
  • Design a policy around the average cost of home care and assisted living.
  • Consider the NYS Partnership Policies, which are now more affordable and offer total asset protection.
  • Something is better than nothing. Premiums can fit into almost any budget.
  • Apply with a spouse or partner. Discounts are as high as 25 percent
  • Consider more affordable inflation options. Today’s policies offer creative solutions for indexing your policy’s benefits for rising health care costs.

I know just the thought of LTC and the premiums involved is a scary subject, but, not having it and being faced with LTC needs would be even scarier.

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Transitioning: Preparing for What’s to Come, Part II, Transitioning Into Caregiving

Jan
13
2014

Posted by: cburden in , ,

The following is the second in a two-part series on how to prepare for caring for your aging loved ones. Read Part I.

Here’s some advice for those who are beginning their caregiving journey:

  • Take a deep breath. This may be the most important advice you receive throughout the caregiving journey. All along the way, remember to pause from time to time and collect your thoughts. Clear your mind and relax. It may be difficult, but it will help sustain your spirits and prevent you from sinking under the weight of caregiving burdens.
  • Make sure you know the senior’s date of birth and Social Security number. You will need this information to access many services.
  • Collect information about medical providers. If you haven’t done so already, gather details about your loved one’s physicians and health insurance. Here is some of the information you will need:
    1.  Names, phone numbers and addresses of the senior’s doctors, dentist and pharmacy (be sure to include complete details about any arrangements the senior has made for discount prescriptions).
    2. Copies of health insurance policies and the front and back of all insurance cards; if your loved one is 65 or older, you will need a copy of his or her Medicare card. (Medicare has prepared a helpful online booklet that includes a summary of Medicare’s benefits, rights and protections, answers to the most frequently asked questions about Medicare; and information about Medicare’s new prescription drug coverage. To download it, click here.)
    3. Make a list of all medications (prescription drugs, over-the-counter drugs such as aspirin, antacids, herbal remedies, nutritional supplements – even daily multivitamins), dosage amounts and instructions for taking them (time of day, with food or between meals, etc.). Take this list with you to ALL of your loved one’s medical appointments to help avoid dangerous prescription drugs interactions.
    4. Date and results of recent medical tests, including exams, X-rays, CT scans and MRIs.
    5. Complete health history (also take this with you to all of your loved one’s medical appointments); if possible, include major illness and medical conditions for your loved one’s parents, brothers and sisters.

Collaborate with siblings, and provide complete information to medical personnel in case of emergency.

  • Learn as much as possible about the medical condition afflicting the senior. Contact related organizations and associations for information about the disorder. Study the symptoms and progression of the disease so you can anticipate what might come next.
  • Call a family meeting. Try to get as many people as possible involved from the beginning. Early input from them will facilitate communication and decision-making down the line. Allow all family members a chance to express themselves and their feelings about what should be done. If possible, designate a person to be responsible for each task.
  • Find out if the senior has the proper legal tools and documents in place. Has someone been appointed to take care of business and make health care decisions in case of temporary or permanent disability? Has the senior made clear their wishes for end-of-life care? If necessary, consult an attorney specializing in elder law. These are some of the documents you should help the senior prepare if they haven’t already done so:
    1. Will
    2. Durable power of attorney for finances
    3. Durable power of attorney for health care
    4. Living will (Living Wills and Powers of Attorney for Health Care are often referred to as Advance Directives for Health Care)
  • Investigate your loved one’s health insurance matters. What kind of coverage do they have? Are they eligible for Medicare benefits or Medicaid? If so, are they enrolled properly? Do they have a long-term care insurance policy in place? If so, what exactly does it cover? Do they have any coverage through a private pension plan or retirement package?
  • Explore other available financial resources. What assets does he or she have? Do they own real estate? How much is their home worth? How much is in savings accounts, IRAs, stocks and bonds and other investments? What is his or her monthly income from Social Security, other government programs, private pension plans, CDs, other bank accounts, annuities and investments?
  • Take a crash course in community resources. Find out about senior centers and adult day services in the senior’s area. What are the best home health agencies around? What meal delivery and transportation support options are available? Assess the senior’s skills and determine the resources you need.
  • Even if this is an acute crisis likely to pass, start gathering information about assisted living facilities and other long-term care options. When the time comes, you want to be able to offer the senior a range of options to choose from.
  • Recognize that loss of sight, hearing loss, memory loss, confusion, incontinence and depression are not normal aspects of aging. In many, if not most cases, these are treatable conditions. (They could very well be the result of prescription drugs interactions or drug side effects.) Failure to identify these conditions as being treatable could place elderly patients at risk of unnecessary functional decline.
  • If your senior lives in an assisted living facility at some distance from you, one of your concerns will be replenishing your loved one’s health care supplies at a reasonable price. While you can hire a personal shopper, it may be less expensive and just as reliable for you to shop online and have the supplies delivered to your senior.
  • Consider hiring a care manager. These professionals are trained to quickly assess the overall situation, make recommendations about needed services and, if necessary, coordinate community resources and hire and manage paid caregivers.
  • Consult with everybody and anybody. Talk to friends, neighbors, acquaintances – anyone with experience in caring for an elder. In reaching out you will assemble a mosaic of information about how to proceed and what to expect down the line. You will learn that others have been there before and found their way through – though sometimes with great difficulty and sadness.
  • Talk to your senior. This isn’t always possible, but it’s best to allow them as much independence as circumstances permit. Remember that the caregiver’s role is to help them maintain as much control over their lives as feasible, not take it away; this includes allowing them to make their own decisions unless the decisions become harmful to them. The more you can consult with them, consider their desires, and truly respect them, the smoother the transition in your relationship will be.
  • Make sure that everyone on the caregiving team – whether family members, friends or professionals–has the information they need to perform their responsibilities. Make a list of emergency numbers, family contact numbers and other items and distribute it to those who might need it. Family members should know how to locate legal, financial and medical documents like durable powers of attorney, living wills, investment account statements and health insurance policies in case of emergency.
  • If the senior is still living at home, make sure you and others in their inner circle have keys to the residence in case of emergency.
  • Keep good notes. Whenever you talk to a doctor, lawyer, insurance company, service agency, government office or advocacy organization, write down the date and the name of the person you spoke with, contact information and the substance of the conversation. Maintain separate files for different areas of concern–financial topics, medical affairs and so on.
  • Even though this may sound unnecessarily pessimistic, never assume that the professional and medical personnel who are helping you with your loved one will do what they promise. If you don’t actively follow-up, you may set yourself up for disappointment. While they made their promises with the best of intentions, these professional people are extremely busy and have other people to care for in addition to your loved one. They may honestly forget a commitment made to you. Bottom line– the more you become involved with the care and other affairs of your loved one, the more satisfied you will be with your care-giving experience.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly:

  • Acknowledge your own feelings of loss, anger, shock and confusion. Perhaps you realized this moment was coming, perhaps not. In any event, you are likely to find unsettling emotions bubbling through the surface. Allow yourself time to experience them. Write them down in a journal. Take a long bath. Find a quiet corner and close your eyes. Take care of yourself, too.

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Making a List, Checking it Twice

Dec
20
2013

Posted by: cburden in , , , , , ,

As the holiday rush approaches, we’re making lists, checking them twice, making plans you hope to keep. For those of you who have loved ones either living alone, in a senior living community or perhaps with you, I know your holiday schedules are even more hectic than most.

There are a few more trips to the stores or doctors, a few more visits to check on your loved ones, a few more discussions regarding progress or decline, a few more concerns and perhaps a few more encounters of one kind or another.

I would like you all to read through these five important topic questions below and give them serious thought, check the ones you have addressed, and make a new list of things yet to be addressed. By doing so, you just may avoid an unfortunate or unexpected turn of events when you least want to deal with one— during the holidays.

Are my loved ones safe in their present environment?

  • Do they live alone? Is there a caregiver or spouse able to assist them? If so, is this the right person for the job?
  • Does your loved one get confused?
  • Are they eating right and staying hydrated? Who is monitoring their nutrition daily?
  • Are their medications managed? If so, who is handling this important task and is this person communicating their concerns to the physicians as their care needs change?

Are there memory issues?

  • Has your loved one been properly diagnosed? Have they seen a neurologist or neuropsychologist?
  • Is there a treatment plan which works appropriately with their diagnosis and is their Primary Care Physician being kept in the loop with the specialist?
  • It’s up to you to research the diagnosis of their disease and prepare for how it is going to affect everyone’s lives—you need to make plans for short and long term needs, not only care needs but emotional support needs as well.

Does your loved one have their legal documents in order?

  • Do they have a Health Care Proxy, Advanced Directive and POA in place?
  • Does someone in your family work with an attorney who specializes in elder law and estate planning? This is important; these attorneys are there to protect your loved ones hard earned assets as well as their medical and end of life wishes.
  • Please get your legal matters attended to sooner rather than later.

Is it sensible for your loved one to remain in their home?

  • Much of this decision depends on their health, their mental state, physical state and the prognosis of their diagnosis.
  • Based on those answers you will need to make a plan; one for immediate needs, then set short term plans—what will they need three months from now; six months from now, a year from now? You need to be a constant monitor of their ever changing needs.
  • Do you have a support system to help you or are you the primary caregiver? Can you handle what the future has in store and again are you the right person for this job?

Finances— what can they afford?

  • If you are planning to have them stay in their home or your home with outside assistance, what are those costs that insurance does not cover? And again, ask yourself, “What will the immediate costs of care be now? How about three months from now? Six months from now? One year from now?
  • What is more cost effective— to stay in their home or to transition them out of their home and into a community or adult care home that provides care and assistance?
  • And finally ask yourself this: is your loved one experiencing the quality of life they deserve and have worked so hard for? And, how about you the family members—do you have peace of mind knowing all their needs are being met?
  • If you can answer “yes” to that, then the time you are spending with them now is quality time. If not, it’s time to start planning. It’s all about quality of life, needs being met and peace of mind for everyone.

Are you one of the many baby boomers caring for aging parents ? Don’t wait for a crisis to happen before you take action.

Clare Colamaria is the Founder of A SENIOR’S CHOICE, LLC. If you have any concerns for a loved one or would like to discuss options for the above mentioned topics, please contact Clare at WWW.ASENIORSCHOICEONLINE.COM or call her directly at (518) 424-2527.

Transitions: Preparing for What’s to Come, Part 1

Sep
27
2013

Posted by: cburden in , , , , ,

The following is the first in a two-part series on preparing to care for an aging loved one. The second part will follow in next month’s issue of Families TODAY.

Whether it’s a celebration, a move or some life-changing event, it takes some planning and preparation to get yourself ready. So, where do you start? Are you completely overwhelmed with just the thought of how and where to begin the process that lies ahead of you?

First things first, take a deep breath and tell yourself that there are people out there who have experience and know how in just about every aspect of life’s ever changing sets of circumstances. It’s up to you to research and ask for resources, referrals, advice and help. Never be afraid to ask for guidance—you will be amazed how many people are not only willing to help, but happy to do so. Caring for an aging parent, elderly spouse, domestic partner or close friend presents difficult challenges, especially when a crisis hits and you are suddenly faced with the responsibilities of transitions. Perhaps your aging mother fell, is hospitalized with a broken hip and needs to go to a rehab facility or nursing home to recover.

Caregiving can also begin as a result of unsettling mishaps and warning signs that indicate a need for long term elder care. Perhaps your elderly spouse has wandered off and gotten lost several times, or a long-time friend has lost a lot of weight and rarely leaves home.

You may be the only person to step in and become the caregiver. Or, you may be the linchpin of a network of family members and friends willing to help care for your elderly senior.

Whether you are in the middle of a crisis and decisions have to be made quickly, or are planning ahead for an elderly loved one because of unsettling warning signs, you must figure out what kind of help your loved one needs: long-term elder care? Or help for only a short time to recover after a hospital stay? Are problems undiagnosed but correctable?

For example, prescription drugs’ interactions and side effects, Vitamin B12 deficiency, dehydration and other treatable causes are often mistaken, even by doctors, for Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia. According to Consumer Reports on Health, “Any new health problem in an older person should be considered drug induced until proven otherwise.”

If their problems are not correctable, what elder care living arrangements are available for your loved one? What nursing care plans are most appropriate? If they are able to remain in their own home, what kind of elder care services do you arrange? Is assisted living preferred over a nursing home? What challenges does your loved one’s condition pose? What is the best way to access community elder care resources? How will you manage it all and still maintain a life of your own?

This series will walk you through the first steps of elder care–whether your loved one has Alzheimer’s Disease or another form of dementia, is recovering from a broken hip or you are trying to figure out Medicare benefits. It is a primer, a source of both information and comfort. Each elder care situation is unique, of course. Your loved one’s medical history, financial resources, personality, relationships with caregivers, proximity to services and other factors all determine the best approach to take.

Take a deep breath. This may be the most important advice you receive throughout the caregiving journey. All along the way, remember to pause from time to time and collect your thoughts. Clear your mind and relax. It may be difficult, but it will help sustain your spirits and prevent you from sinking under the weight of caregiving burdens. Learn as much as possible about the medical condition afflicting the senior. Contact related organizations and associations for information about the disorder. Study the symptoms and progression of the disease so you can anticipate what might come next. Call a family meeting. Early input from them will facilitate communication and decision-making down the line. Allow all family members a chance to express themselves and their feelings about what should be done.

Consult with everybody and anybody. Talk to friends, neighbors, acquaintances—anyone with experience in geriatric care . In reaching out you will assemble a mosaic of information about how to proceed and what to expect down the line. You will learn that others have been there before and found their way through—though sometimes with great difficulty and sadness.

Talk to your senior. This isn’t always possible, but it’s best to allow them as much independence as circumstances permit. Remember that the caregiver’s role is to help them maintain as much control over their lives as feasible, not take it away; this includes allowing them to make their own decisions unless the decisions become harmful to them. The more you can consult with them, consider their desires, and truly respect them, the smoother the transition in your relationship will be.

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Sunny Summer Days, Long Summer Nights, and Rainbows

Aug
13
2013

Posted by: cburden in

image via.

As the sun streams through my window on this beautiful summer morning, I reflect back to when I was a young girl and my mother and I would spend long summer evenings sitting on our traditional Saratoga covered porch. Yes, like the ones you hear and read about. It was a space where you felt like no one else in the world knew you were there. I would be eating watermelon in the soft comfy lounge chair, my mother doing needlework in the rocker next to me, with soft glows on her face from the street light and standing antique black and bronze lamp, which now stands in my office. The soft sounds of the horses neighing from the barns at Fasig-Tipton and the crickets playing their timely tunes—what fond memories that will forever be in my heart and mind. Continue reading “Sunny Summer Days, Long Summer Nights, and Rainbows”

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A Friendly Reminder: Don’t Wait

Aug
1
2013

Posted by: cburden in , ,

It’s been two years this month that I have been writing this column—sharing with my readers advice, stories, many resources, and perhaps sometimes topics that touch very close to home. When I first started writing, I would ask you passionately: Please do not wait for a crisis to happen before you take action. It is time for me to reiterate that statement, and share with you just some of the reasons why you should not wait for a hospital visit or other form of crisis before taking action and what can be avoided by being aware and being proactive of changes in your loved ones’ daily activities or character. Continue reading “A Friendly Reminder: Don’t Wait”

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Fathers, Be Good to Your Sons

Jun
19
2013

Posted by: cburden in

With Father’s Day upon us, I was reflecting on what a spectacular role model my father was to my two brothers. His role as a husband to our mother, father to his three children, and grandfather taught an invaluable lesson that will be handed down from generation to generation, as did my father’s father to him. Continue reading “Fathers, Be Good to Your Sons”

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